*sigh*

It's been over a week since Gramma died. I miss her, I feel it as if it just happened yesterday. I am back in AZ as of today and back to work tomorrow. I already feel like I shouldn't be here... more than usual. I feel like I don't have anyone. I miss my support group, I don't like being so far from my family! *sigh* This sucks!

the call

i got the call today. i need to come home and see gramma. i'm going on friday (ish). she is now at zilber. i know she's miserable and just wants to be done. but i hurt. i can't imagine my life without her. i can't imagine her not on the other end of the phone. i can't even begin to think about her not being here to tell about all the big... and little things that go on in my life every day. i am sad. i am hurting. i have nowhere to turn. i feel so helpless, so alone.

hanging by a thread

here in az. wishing i were in wi. gramma is not well. i want to be there for her. i want to be there for mom. for uncle thom. for my cousins. this sucks. i hate feeling helpless. not that i could change anything, but at least i could BE there for her. i could hang out. watch movies. eat ice cream. not be missing so much. *sigh*

i love my grandma so much.