the call

i got the call today. i need to come home and see gramma. i'm going on friday (ish). she is now at zilber. i know she's miserable and just wants to be done. but i hurt. i can't imagine my life without her. i can't imagine her not on the other end of the phone. i can't even begin to think about her not being here to tell about all the big... and little things that go on in my life every day. i am sad. i am hurting. i have nowhere to turn. i feel so helpless, so alone.

oh man

so much has happened between my last post and now, but i really just need to get some feelings out. 

For some reason today I have been feeling like a failure. Like I am no good at my job, like I am lazy. I don't really know why all of this is happening. I feel like I am not a good therapist. I feel like I am letting my kiddos down. I don't even know how to really express this all. It is a very weird feeling, and I don't like it. Maybe I am just in need of an overhaul. Maybe I need to plan some extravagant therapy sessions for something different. I just don't know what my deal is, and it is making me very sad.

*sigh*